How would you feel if your ex-bf (need not to be
the last but preferrably your first and the best &
most outgoing, so that you could understand
what my point is), that took months for you to
get over with or still getting over with, looked
you up to talk about his problem? Not just any
problem, but his GF broke up with him.
After about a few months not talking to each other,
only some random time, he'd text you. How would you feel?
Well, he looked me up on the 10th of July on MSN, just after i posted the previous
entry below.
From the start, whenever i feel bumped out or pissed at something, he's the most comfortable
person i could confide in. So coincidentally, I couldn't need him more when he showed up.
So after i let every single fuckin thing out, and was feeling better. I asked him how he was doing. And that's when it all started.
Just one line, that made me forget how to breathe for a minute.
"***** broke up with me."
I already could sense that his problem must be something about him and
*****. But i didn't expect to know that it was HER who broke up with him. I admit that I was feeling a lil bit estactic to learn that. However, I knew that its either he's upset and wanna talk it out, or he's moving on after the break up and decided to look for me.
The whole conversation was very much unpredictable. && i, on the other side,
WAS BEING TOO HONEST. Yes, TOO HONEST.
WHICH I HAVE NEVER BEEN THAT HONEST TO ANYONE BEFORE!
How i wish i could explain more, but i can't. Its's massively confusing.
Maybe just a snappy info - Yes, he was upset about her leaving him. But we were talking about other things too which we both somewhat found out things that we ought to know
right from the beginning. It could've saved me from all the agony i went through.
(Oh just so you know, early this year, we were contacting and talking to each other quite often
after about a year since I broke up with him.)
Ah, and guess what?in MSN,
him: can i ask a weird question
me : ummmmmmmmm.. yes?
him: no its okay
me : ASK ME ASK ME ASK ME ASK ME ASK ME ASK ME ASK ME
him: haga ok were you seeing **** while seeing me? or was it just my paranoia?
and then i was like LMAO! when i actually told him the truth which is, I didn't and never
see other guys when i was still with him. And, surprisingly, he apologised.
him: sorry
me : why?him: i accused you wrongly
wait, this is the part when it all links up together making us realised the BIG SMELLY
MISTAKE.
me : and then can i ask you something? do you remember at the beginning of this year, what
happened between us? you were already with ***** when we contacting each other, weren't
you?
him: nope well i was with her only on march 11. but you know that time i had my break, and iwas talking to you quite alot. i think you know where this is goingme : nope, seriously. carry onhim: okay i wanted to actually hook up again but you just saw me as a friend didn't youme : you bloody idiot. you stupid asshole. you bloody cuckoo.him: why?me : I WAS WAITING.him: oh shit. okay but then you don't want to know what made my decision to not get backi said because i'm BLAH BLAH BLAH and BLAH BLAH BLAH?
him: no, hell no. well i thought you cheated on me with ******, that's whyi was scolding him for thinking like that. i was somehow agitated a bit to learn about it.me: why didn't you ask?him: i was scared.me : you one egoistic asshole.and BLAH BLAH BLAH again, and more BLAH BLAH BLAH. and i'll never forget this,him: it would of been nice to have you back cause some of the best times i had, i had it with you.awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! (:
&& one thing leads to another. When we were talking about our past, and this is the part when i was being too honest, that i myself couldn't belive it. OH ITS PROBABLY BECAUSE IT WAS ABOUT 1+ in the morning, deprived of sleep, drank coffee and so explains the sugar rush.
me : and as long as you dont deflower/mayflower whatever you call it to anyone, even the
girl you love most, i'll still hope you would be mine again.him: that really means alot to me, you don't know how much.THAT'S IT. (10th July 2008)
Time check: 0107hr
OMFCB. I just put down the phone with him. I'm pretty glad that he actually wanted to talk
to me about *********. and, there's seriously alot and major similarities between me and her, i swear to the mother of a holy cow! Hearing the things she said from him was way
too weird.
Can you imagine?
She said the exact same lines like I did when i was with him,
at the same stage.ok continue. And so he's comfortable with me (or maybe too comfortable) till he spoke irrelevant stuff, like the times i had been comfortable talking to him when i was down with problems.
However, the conversation just now also came like a BIG SLAP to me.Without he realising it, his words were like a venom, sticking on to me, into my skin,
breaking my bones, slowly feeding on my blood. Its eating me every piece of me, still eating.I'm sorry but to ask, what do you think of this phrase,"...i'm not so sure about my feelings to anyone right now..."That phrase came like an atomic, blowing off the whole nation off in me literally, got very very close to tears. Yes, it was when i was talking about me never been as honest as last night to anyone before. But what exactly lies between that lines? I'm still contemplating the meaning.
Ziwei, my bestfriend who never fails to cheer me up, was actually happy when i told her
about it.
"Isn't it good? Its is lah because it also means he is not sure about his feelings to
***** right now too! There's hope!"
What do YOU think about the phrase?
So now, i seriously have no idea on what to do.
I'm straddling the horns of dilemma.
Nonetheless, he thanked me again just now for becoming listening ear. And i replied him
the same thing as the other day,
"For you, a thousand times over."
This was in 2006.
And this was on my birthday- 2008
What are we suppose to do ? After all that we’ve been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong. Now that the love is goneTill next time;
Can’t find the reason to keep holding on;
Adam Peter Frederick Reynolds
